Well That Escalated Quickly
by MoonyEstelChase
Summary: We might have gone a bit crazy with this one. This is Glib (My addition for the ever expanding Funny Thing Happened-verse) posted as its own story. It's still in my Butterfly collection, but I'm gonna post it as its own, also.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N ...** I think this has gotten out of hand. I'm posting Glib as it's own story so you guys can find it easier.

* * *

 **Glib**

"I swear, sir. There is an explanation."

Hogan stared in shock. "I ... I don't think I want one. Not until ... Dammit! I can't think. Someone get LeBeau some pants!" he shouted.

Kinch was repeatedly rubbing his eyes to ensure they still operated. Olsen had fainted from laughter-induced oxygen deprivation before LeBeau had the chance to furiously sock him. Newkirk was looking everywhere but at another person. In fact, the only person seemingly unaffected was Carter. Well, he was affected, but not by the situation.

"Wow. I've never noticed how dirty this table was before now."


	2. Chapter 2

_During the Great Still Explosion of the Century..._

"Bloody 'ell, Louie. Not again!" Newkirk grumbled. The Frenchman had crumpled once again from the sight of Newkirk's gun-shot wound. Newkirk sighed and scrubbed his face with the hand not holding Carter on his back.

His hand felt something wet; he knew he wasn't crying, so what was ... he quickly tasted the moisture to test his hypothesis. The liquid tasted like distilled lightning. And knowing the source, it might just be. The shock made him physically step back.

"Wooh! That bloody moonshiner sure did know what 'e was doin'!"


	3. Chapter 3

_Right after Hogan leaves to get some "liquid courage" ..._

Olsen came to, unfortunately. And that meant the three men were subjected to some questionable questions.

"You guys have fun?" Olsen said suggestively, waggling his eyebrows.

Carter was still out of it, but Newkirk and LeBeau weren't. And they fully understood what Olsen was implying.

"Would you like to feel my hand stuck up your nose?" LeBeau sweetly asked.

Newkirk added, "I'd be glad to 'elp." He made a few movements to show how it could be done. Olsen paled sickly green.

"Uh, I'm sorry, I'm sure your mission was very successful." he apologized.

LeBeau grumbled something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like, "It would be if I could hit you."

* * *

 **A/N** This one's 125 words. More than a drabble, but I thought the extra 25 were worth it :)

BTW, Olsen isn't trying to be purposefully offensive or cruel. He just has a ... dirtier sense of humor than most. And it was not the best time to joke right then. Especially about LeBeau. He's already feeling sensitive about the subject.

Newkirk says that Olsen is a git, and all similar rumors are false.


	4. Chapter 4

**October 31, 1989**

"C'mon, Grandpa. There is no way your story could be scarier than Dad's is."

Grandpa Carter's smile crinkled his eyes. "I bet you're wrong. $20?"

Rolling her eyes, Carter's daughter-in-law entered the room. "Daddy, we told you not to gamble with the kids! I only just got Uncle Peter to stop playing poker with them."

Carter chuckled. "I was just betting my story was spookier than my son's."

She cocked her head curiously. "What's it called?"

Eyes glinting evilly, he replied, "The Legend of the Pant-less Frenchman."


	5. Chapter 5

**First Day of School, 1953**

"Daaaaaaddy! I don't want to go. I don't know anyone, and it's scary."

Kinch smiled at his daughter. "Sweetheart, your brothers are going. Did they say it was scary?"

"Nooo?"

He laughed. "Honey, you'll be fine. You'll make lots of new friends. Besides, nothing will be a scary as what I saw one day while I was in the war."

Her interest was piqued. "What, Daddy?"

"I saw ... Uncle Louis with no pants on!"

Gasp. "Daddy!"

Kinch heard his wife calling from the kitchen. "Hon, no stories about LeBeau, kay?"

* * *

 **A/N** I know this is out of order, but, hey. It's Halloween and I can do what I want.


	6. Chapter 6

**London, England,** **November 22, 1990**

"Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher has announced her resignation today after John Major ..."

The radio buzzed with static as a gnarled but steady hand turned the dial. Aged bones reclined in the violently red armchair that his children had begged him not to buy. "It's a funny old world. Well, Maggie, I guess you couldn't wait. I see 'ow you'd want to go. You've been PM for a while. I want to go too, but I promised I'd wait 3 more years."

The armchair squeaked as he settled in for the wait.

* * *

 **A/N** At this point, Newkirk's pretty old and probably doesn't have as good a grasp on politics as he once did. Margaret Thatcher [known as the Iron Lady("This lady's not for turning!")] was the first female Prime Minister (PM), and she served for 11 years, the longest term ever for a PM. Thatcher resigned because she couldn't get enough votes to be nominated for her party again. A man named John major was her successor.

One of her quotes is "It's a funny old world."


End file.
